Hiei Buys Pads
by DarkestPoetry
Summary: It's Yukina's "time of the month". She sends Hiei on a mission.


Okay, I have no idea what possessed me to write this. The idea popped into my head yesterday and it was so amusing I had to put it down. Humor usually isn't what I do, but I had to make an exception for this story. I admit I was nearly rolling while writing it. Enjoy.

* * *

The heaviness in her lower abdomen was unmistakable. It was a feeling that, at one time, she had dreaded every month but had long since come to accept. With a sigh of resignation, she kicked the covers off of her and crossed the wood paneled room in Genkai's temple where she slept to the lavatory across the hall.

Luckily, it appeared to have only started shortly before she had awoken, judging by the relatively dry and clean state of her undergarments. She opened the cabinet under the sink to find…nothing.

Yukina frowned a bit. Well, this certainly wasn't good. How could she have forgotten to pick up another box the last time she was in town? She quickly scanned the bathroom. She doubted Genkai had anything she could use. She would just have to ask the old woman to fetch her some…

She sighed again, though this time out of mild frustration, as she folded up a length of toilet paper and put it in the crotch of her panties. Then she got ready for the day and changed into her kimono before she went out into the main part of the temple in search of Genkai.

The morning was quiet. Yukina went to the kitchen, only to find it empty. This was a bit odd. Genkai usually enjoyed a cup of tea here the first thing after she woke up. Yukina was about to go see if she was in the garden when a piece of paper taped to the refrigerator caught her eye. She approached it curiously and read:

_Yukina,_

_I've gone to meet Yusuke in the mountains for a training lesson. I will return by this afternoon. Don't forget to prepare something to eat for Kurama's birthday party this evening._

_-Master Genkai_

Yukina bit her lip. She couldn't go all day without anything! And the party…she had nearly forgotten about that.

Now what was she going to do?! She scanned the kitchen, much as she had the bathroom earlier. Her eyes came to rest on the telephone. Perhaps she could call Keiko. Surely she would understand her dilemma…

Yukina picked up the receiver, a bit unsure of what to do. She had never used it before. She had seen Genkai press a bunch of buttons on it in order to talk to the person on the other side. She stared at the numbers on the phone, wondering which ones she had to push.

There was a piece of paper next to the telephone. She studied it carefully. There were names written on the left side, each one belonging to one of her friends. The first name was _Yusuke_, and written out beside it were three numbers, a dash, and four more numbers after that. _Kuwabara _and _Kurama_ preceded _Yusuke_, with different numbers written out next to them as well. Then there was _Hiei_. This was the only name without numbers; a question mark was scribbled in their place. The last name was _Keiko_. Yukina peered intently at these numbers for a moment, then looked back at the receiver in her hand. Hesitantly, she dialed the numbers in the order in which they were written and pressed the receiver to her ear.

There was an electronic ringing sound coming from the earpiece. Yukina waited. The seconds stretched into minutes, and still her friend had not answered.

Yukina dropped the receiver back into its cradle, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Now she was at a complete loss of what to do. Genkai wouldn't be back until much later and Keiko didn't seem to be available. For a moment she considered the possibility of phoning Kawabara or Kurama to have them bring her what she needed, but she shook her head to herself immediately. She was way too shy to ask Kawabara, and she couldn't bring herself to ask Kurama to run an errand for her on his birthday, even if he wouldn't mind. Besides, he was probably spending the day with his family…

Yukina wandered out onto the porch and within seconds she felt eyes on her. She looked around the garden cautiously but saw no one. Then she looked up into the tree almost directly next to her and saw-

"Hiei!"

Her exclamation had been one of surprise, but Hiei shrunk back against the trunk of the tree, something akin to regret betrayed in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to startle you…"

Yukina smiled a bit.

"It's okay. I just wasn't expecting you…"

Hiei visibly relaxed, and the two lapsed into silence.

"Um…Hiei…" Yukina began uncertainly after a short while. "Could I…could I ask…a favor of you?"

The quiet boy leaped down from the tree at her words. He didn't say anything, but it was obvious he was willing to help her.

"Could…could you…um…" Yukina fidgeted, searching for a way to convey to him her problem without embarrassing herself. Still, she could feel her face burning as the question formed on her tongue. "You see…I'm out of…things…that I need today…and…and I was wondering if you could…if you could go to a pharmacy in town to pick them up?"

Hiei had never seen his sister look so uncomfortable. Her embarrassment was almost painful to watch.

Yukina half-expected him to decline. He never seemed the type to do things for other people, though for some reason he treated her differently. When he nodded, she smiled and clapped her hands together.

"Great! I'll fetch a pen to write down what I need."

Hiei watched as his sister reentered the temple. He wondered what it was that she needed and why she had been so nervous. It wasn't long before she returned, shoving a folded piece of paper and some ningen currency into his hand.

"Thank you very much, Hiei…"

* * *

Hiei walked along the crowded streets, keeping his eyes peeled for a pharmacy. After a few minutes, he reached into his pocket for the note Yukina had given him so that he knew what he was supposed to buy. He unfolded it and read:

_One box of regular absorbency menstrual pads._

Hiei blanched. What the hell?! Why in the Makai had she asked _him _of all people to get this for her? Fuming, he crumpled the note in his fist and shoved it back in his pocket, berating himself for not reading it before leaving the temple. He stormed up the sidewalk, his face set in an angered grimace. Had it been Keiko or Botan or _anyone _else, he would have turned right around. They could bleed all over themselves for all he cared. But this was Yukina, so…

Hiei entered the pharmacy on the next corner. The fluorescent lights were harsh to his eyes and there was some sort of obnoxious noise coming from above that in Hiei's opinion didn't deserve to be called "music".

It didn't take him long to find the right aisle, but upon seeing the selection, he made a face. There were boxes of all different colors and brands. How the hell was he supposed to figure out which ones she wanted? He picked up the box nearest to him – pink with butterflies – and examined it. It said "overnight maxi" on the front. He flipped it over, looking for where it might say "regular absorbency". Instead, he found a diagram of the pad on the back. He stared at it for a moment with mild distaste, then tossed it unceremoniously back on the shelf with a caustic "_pfft!_"

He continued down the aisle, stopping every now and then to read the small print on the front of the boxes. He found several different kinds that all said "regular absorbency", though here he was again unsure. Which ones did she want? He looked down at two boxes he had selected, one in each hand. Surely if the brand was important, she would have told him so. Eventually, he decided on one and went to the checkout.

The saleswoman scanned his item and Hiei tossed the ningen money on the counter. Then he snatched up the box of pads and left without waiting for his change.

The crowds of people thinned as he approached the outskirts of town. Soon he found himself on a block in which he was alone, the backs of buildings facing the street on either side.

"Whatcha got there, little man?"

Hiei halted and looked over his shoulder. Six boys about Yusuke's age were emerging from a narrow alley to the right. Some of them were carrying baseball bats. They were clearly thugs. Upon seeing what Hiei was holding, they burst into laughter.

"Oooh, I see it's your time of the month!" one of them guffawed.

"_Pfft,_" Hiei spat contemptuously, though he clutched the pads to his chest all the same.

They began to advance on him, swinging their bats as they continued to chuckle thickly. Hiei, however, wasn't about to waste his time on them. In a flash quicker than one could follow clearly with their eyes, Hiei drew his sword. The boys stopped, and they weren't laughing now.

"I don't care to waste my time on trash like you," he said calmly. "But I'll kick your ass if you don't get lost."

The boy who appeared to be the ringleader of the little gang stared wide-eyed at the boy. Then he lowered his bat and took a few steps toward the alley.

"C'mon…" he muttered to his buddies.

Within moments, they were gone.

* * *

"Thank you, Hiei!"

Hiei shoved his hands in his pockets. Yukina looked pleased but also still very embarrassed, and Hiei didn't blame her. She must have been quite desperate for the damn things.

"Um…hang on, I'll be back in a minute."

Yukina went to the bathroom with her box of pads. After a few minutes she returned.

"Oh, Hiei, I was wondering if you would…"

But she spoke to empty air. Hiei was nowhere to be found.

Yukina sighed. It looked like she would be baking Kurama's birthday cake herself…


End file.
